Mama Re-Grooves

A year of Re-thinking, Re-using, Re-fashioning and Re-purposing

Mama Re-Grooves - A year of Re-thinking, Re-using, Re-fashioning and Re-purposing

Attachment

We recently drove to Palm Springs with my father to spend a week frolicking in the pool at a resort. IT WAS HOT! More than hot. It was stifling. It was suffocating. It was it-feels-like-you-are-baking-in-an-oven kind of hot! Nevertheless, we had a great time. We usually went to the pool twice a day: once before it got too too hot in the morning and once in the afternoon before supper. Nash and Rio could not get enough of the water and the slides. They were most sad to leave- the pool as well as the undivided attention of their Grandpa.

Palm Springs is, allegedly, a shopping mecca. There are some outlet stores in Cabazon, about 50 km away and we did indeed visit them. Grandpa bought Nash new shoes, flip flops and some sorely needed socks and treated me to  a new bathing outfit (a cover-up t-shirt counts as a bathing outfit (along with the shorts and a bikini top) now that I am 40 ;-) .

I managed to walk out of the mall without buying anything. Part of me really wanted to buy a summer dress to wear around the pool and out to one of our several dinners of tacos… but I resisted and am glad for it.  I don’t NEED another sun dress- really, I don’t.

I must admit, I like clothes. Pretty clothes. When I was a lawyer with a disposable income I spent money on clothes. Cool, unique, local designer one of kind type of clothes. I had places to wear them… Life has changed monumentally in the past 5 years. I no longer practice law. I no longer buy such fun clothes and I no longer have anywhere to wear them! I mostly feel at peace with all of these changes.

But this post is not about clothes and my attachment to them. It is about other things…

This post is about D’Ugly and my attachment to “him”. D’Ugly is an Ugly Doll that Javier and I bought together about 5 years ago to take with us travelling. He went on so many fabulous trips with Javier and I while we were dating, when we were married and after we had one, then two, kids. He traveled to Asia, Oceania and North, Central and South America. If he’d had a passport, it would have had more stamps than most people.

I lost him in Palm Springs. We were at the pool and I either left him there in the chaos of getting two hungry, tired boys back to a hotel room after a long day in the sun OR someone swiped him. At least, no one turned him in to the lost and found at the resort, so someone else is enjoying his company now. I feel guilt and sadness and loss. Silly? Perhaps… as he was JUST a plush toy- right? Yes and no. He WAS certainly an inanimate object and just another thing in the pile of stuff we have. However, he represented so much more… Memories of trips past. Excitement and curiosity about trips to come. Challenges between Javier and me as to who could get the most interesting photograph of D’Ugly on a trip. Cooperation. Teamwork (as the Wonderpets would laud). A shared sense of adventure. Commitment. Fun.

When you lose a sentimental object, it does mean something, right? Javier is upset. I am upset. I am struggling with this.  I am striving to detach from “things”, as I am not sure the attachment is all that emotionally, mentally or spiritually healthy. The seemingly overwhelming feelings surrounding the loss of this plush toy seems almost ridiculous. It was just a THING. A toy. Sigh. I am sad about the loss and sad that I am sad about the loss. Does that make sense? How do YOU deal with the loss of such things?

Here are some of the last photos I took of D’Ugly the day he left us.

    

 

Category: Daily Post
  • Cate says:

    Oh no! I wondered what had happened to D’Ugly when I saw J’s facebook update. (At least it wasn’t one of the kids huh ;) )

    June 20, 2012 at 8:55 pm
    • Suzanne says:

      It might seem silly to some, but that thing was an important part of our trips…You are correct though, at least I left with two kids and came back with two!

      June 21, 2012 at 1:39 pm
  • Dad says:

    Nice bit of writing here, Suzanne. You captured the heat and i started sweating just reading! We’ll all missD’Ugly. Thank goodness we have at least 8 592 photos of him….give or take a few.

    June 21, 2012 at 4:46 pm
  • Suzanne says:

    Give or take… AND it was a GREAT trip! At least he spent his last days with us in a lighthearted way! The irony is that I went back for him at the park that very same day… sigh…

    June 21, 2012 at 9:35 pm
  • Gauri Ma says:

    I totally get what you mean. We project our feelings onto our toys and things. That is what kids do from the start, right? Their special dolly gets angry, sad, happy, jealous, mean… it lets them experiment with all these feelings in a safe way. When we lose something, it is usually not about the thing but about the meaning we gave to it. Maybe it symbolised freedom or it reminded us of an intimate moment with our loved one or the feeling we got at the time it was given to us. It is a sense of losing that memory, that feeling we greive, imo.

    The aim of ‘detachment’, from my understanding, is not about *not having* feelings. It is about not judging the feelings, if that makes sense. Someone who is truly in their center is not without feelings, they are unaffected/untouched by their feelings. They welcome the feelings and let them pass like clouds, energies that come and go. What you resist persists. Trying to fight feelings, aiming not to have them, generally tends to keep them here longer.

    Is this too esoteric? It is a topic that fascinates me. I totally understand your feeling that you *should* be beyond this – being sad about the loss of a toy, a thing. But being authentic, feeling the fullness of the emotions that arise in us is, to my mind, as important if not more than learning to ‘detach’. In honouring our feelings we can move past them and be freed of them, in a faster, healthier way…

    Gauri

    June 27, 2012 at 3:33 pm
  • Gauri Ma says:

    GREAT photos, btw!

    June 27, 2012 at 3:33 pm

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